The Holotapes
by Top Hats and Other Items
Summary: You've heard the stories. You've heard the rumours. But this is their truths. The truth of a man who once sacrificed the future of mankind for the life of his son, and the truth of the son who searches for his father.
1. Prologue: Discoveries, New and Old

Hello all! This is something that has been sitting at the back of my computer, gathering dust, for around a two years. I had to stop writing it because of school, and as a side effect of that, I've gradually lost interest in it because I think I've completely forgot what I where I was planning to go with this. But, I got bored today, and as a reult of my boredom, I've decided to upload it just to see if anyone would be interested. It follows my Lone Wanderer, Nathaniel, and James throughout their journey in the Capital Wastelands. This story follows the main plot, mostly, but there is some mention of the other side quests that Nathaniel does along the way as well as the path I think James takes leading up to where he gets a bit...stuck.

As you might've noticed, this story can and will mention lots and **_LOTS_** of spoilers. So don't kill me if you read one.

Also, if anyone would want to beta or offer some advice to how this could go, please, don't be afraid to review or PM me :D

**_DISCLAIMER:_** I do not own, and will never own, this magnificent game. Unfortunately.

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_"I am Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End._

_I will give unto him what is athirst of the fountain of the waters of life, freely"_

_-Revelation 21:6_

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_Holotape dated: August 17, 2277, 7:36 PM, Megaton: My Megaton House_

_Nathaniel_

My first holotape recording... a strange achievement, but it's one, nonetheless. I record this for myself, but I could've always typed it on my Pip-Boy. I guess there are some things that have to be said out loud. Perhaps I record this to remind me what I'm after, to not lose myself in a world that had lost everything, and to remind myself of what once was. Perhaps, when this is all over, it'll be something to show Dad...Perhaps.

I record this to show the story of Nathaniel, known now to many as Hawkeye and The Lone Wanderer. He existed in this broken world to hopefully bring some good into it.

My life hasn't always been my own. The Vault, no matter how flawed, was my home, and yet we weren't allowed to leave, or live our lives as we pleased. The Overseer, no matter how many times he chanted, "_This is where you were born. This is where you will die"_...I have never really believed it. I have always wondered what it's like _outside_. A word and its meaning, so foreign in our lives that there's always a strange feeling within me when I say it. All my life up until I was nineteen was spent in the safe, dull, place known as Vault 101. Where my childhood days passed without much worry or diversity. Where the Overseer struts around like a demented peacock. Where Butch and his gang, the Tunnel Snakes, didn't let one blasted day pass without breaking the rules or picking a fight with someone. But even the most dreary of places and the most wretched of days had a ray of sunshine in it. Mine's was Amata.

Amata... she was my friend, a person I could confide with, and at some point, my self-declared future fiancée. The only one other than my father who can make me laugh when I'm sad, and the only one who can make me dance when she's happy. (laughs sadly) But now... I know that some dreams, no matter how hard you fight for it, just isn't meant for you.

And then there's my father. The only family I have.

Dad has always been there for me with a warm smile, a check-up or two, and some advice to give. I have always seen him as everyone else sees him; a doctor, a scientist, and a loving father who lost his wife while giving him a child-me. I...I find it strange to think that I even had a mother. All I have to know her is a couple of pictures and the stories Dad told me.

When he left that fateful day, with no warning of any sort, not even a goodbye to his only son, I chose to follow him. Out into the unknown, to the _outside_, called by its inhabitants The Capital Wasteland. An apt name for the broken land that was once the center of human industry. Now, the former areas that was once called D.C, Arlington, Annandale, Bethesda, Springvale, Germantown, and Olney are places that hardly resemble the busy streets filled with life. The tall, majestic buildings of long ago. The places that children can run freely, laugh, and play. Now, these places hold not even a shadow of the freedoms that the people of the past took for granted. Now, these places are where dangers lurk at every turn, and death can be but a step away. Where greed flourishes like no other time in human history. Where betrayal is common, cruelty thrives, and selfishness is almost essential for survival.

_This is the world my father __chose__ to go to._

I want to know why.

_Holotape ended on: August 17, 2277, 8:03 PM, Megaton_

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_Holotape dated: August 16, 2277, 6:52 PM, Megaton: Common House_

_James_

I don't know why I'm recording this. Maybe it is to remember what has gone by, or perhaps this is just the ramblings of an old man, the dreaming of a dream he threw away for his son...but...I know now. That abandoning the project, mine and Catherine's dream, has led to more innocent lives lost, more families torn apart...

(humourless chuckle) What am I saying? I _knew_ that. I knew that all those years ago, but I wasn't able to complete the project... not without her. I was too much of a coward to do so, too weak to finish what we started. "But," I reasoned, "the baby must be protected. The child of my beloved wife _must_ be raised safely. When Nathaniel is old enough, I will leave him in the safety of the Vault to go to the Wastelands so to finish what we started." So, with that thought, that _illusion_, in mind, I left the project with my son and a friend, much to the frustration of my peers, to go to a place that, against all odds, took me in as a doctor, and helped me raise my son.

Heh, I _am_ rambling like an old man.

The Wastelands...hasn't changed since I stepped into Vault 101. It's been almost twenty years since Catherine's death. Twenty years since we - I - stopped the project. All for my son. My son, who Catherine died giving birth to. Catherine, she... she was the very first who held Nathaniel. For ten minutes... for ten happy, blissful _minutes_ before she _died_. (weary sigh) God, I miss her... I miss my son. But he's a grown man now. Strong, handsome, and intelligent. Just like his old man. Stubborn, determined, and confident... Just like his mother. And as much as I don't want to admit it, he doesn't need his "daddy", anymore...

I stopped by Megaton for the night. Moriarty's was still open when I came in, so I got some scotch from Gob. Poor guy's still trying to buy his contract from Moriarty, the old bastard. Asked around for some news, but it's more of the same. Raiders around the town, rumoured to have their base somewhere around Springvale. The Brotherhood of Steel still fighting Super Mutants in the D.C Ruins. Slavers still getting richer and richer over in Paradise Falls. The Wastelands haven't changed for the better. It seems to be progressively getting worse, which worries me. No sleep for me tonight, I leave to see Three-Dog for more news. To see if it's still standing. I have to hurry to finish what I-me and Catherine- started, all those years ago...

_Holotape ended on: August 16, 2277, 7:22 PM, Megaton_


	2. Chapter 1: Wake Up Call

Hey all:D I'll keep this short and sweet- just thanking to everyone that favorited and story alerted :D It's nice to know that there are people that are interested in something a fourteen year old wrote, and really, it's very uplifting. If you haven't done so, please spend the time to review. I would love to hear from any and all feedback.

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_"The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step."_

_-Lao Tzu_

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_Holotape dated: August 23, 2277, 11:27 PM, Galaxy News Radio_

_James_

I have forgotten how dangerous the Wastelands are... too much time playing doctor, I suppose. Thank God that I had some sense to practice shooting with Nathaniel before I left. Otherwise, I would be dead by now...A depressing thought, but it makes me walk faster when I'm tired, and fight harder when I'm cornered.

It's been a bit over a month since I left the Vault. In that time, I have helped whoever came my way, in any way I can. I guess it's my way to atone for stopping the project. Doctors are needed in the Wastelands more than ever now. It should be a sad occurrence, but people these days are so used to injuries, death, and destruction that it doesn't matter if someone is injured, or killed. If people get injured, others think, "They'll get better, no big deal," or, "God, I hope he/she gets better," or even, "If they can't handle a gun, they're nothing more than a deadweight." If someone dies, others around them usually think, "At least it isn't me." (long sigh) Humanity has gotten more callous and cold-hearted as of late, or maybe we were like that since we figured out the killing capabilities of stick and stone, and the destructive abilities of fire.

I have traveled to see a friend I haven't seen in a long time. Three-Dog's as cheerful as the last time I saw him, if a bit more sober. He has more grey in his hair now, I notice, from "nearly being killed a couple hundred times by Super Mutants." "Even a Behemoth wants me dead!" he says, laughing, "The Brotherhood of Steel helps a lot too. Without them, I'd be turned into Three-Dog stew by now! If I'm lucky!" (chuckles softly) Three-Dog... He always had this way of exaggerating things that made it more believable.

We shared some news over a bottle of scotch, for me, and whiskey, for him. He asks about my life in the Vault, to which I, to make a long story short, said that it was blissfully and agonizingly dull. He also asks about my son, who I say is in the Vault... and probably mad at me for leaving him. I sigh, "I don't blame him either." I said, "I would be furious if my own father left me this way." Three-Dog chuckles, "Well...you did what you can, right? How he reacts to this 'protection' is up to him. But..." He takes another sip of whiskey.

"Does your kid go by Hawkeye?"

I raise one eyebrow at him, "No. His name is Nathaniel. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, just coincidence, I suppose. That when you left the Vault that another Vault Dweller does the same. Rumours say he looks an awful lot like you... without the greys, I mean." He laughs.

I drink my scotch thoughtfully. "You know... that's impossible, the Overseer wouldn't allow another to leave as I did." He lowers his drink from his lips, and puts it down, looking at me seriously. "Don't be saying the "i" word just yet Doc. This kid's becoming the best thing since someone figured out how to cook Brahmin steaks. He saved Megaton from being blown to heaven-knows-where not even a month ago when he came in. He cleaned out the Raiders in Springvale, so now they won't be botherin' anyone no more. He saved the people of Big Town from being killed by Super Mutants, and two of their own from being their next meal. People say this kid's a crackshot with a gun, untouchable with nothing but a knife, and the freaking devil with his fists. In fact, they say this kid got his nickname from savin' Lucas Simms from a guy named Mr. Burke. He was the one who tried to blow up Megaton, I hear, but was foiled by that crazy kid from Vault 101. Shot him between the eyes before he could pull his gun on Simms. " He reaches for his glass and takes another sip of whiskey.

"And yet... even while he does all that, he's asking 'round for info on a grey-haired man, mid-fifties, who is a scientist, doctor, and a father to him... Sounds like anyone you know?" I say nothing while I drain my shot in one while he finishes his. "Ahhhhh. Well, with those insightful words of wisdom from the great and all-powerful Three-Dog from Galaxy News Radio, Lord of the Wastes, I leave you to rest up and dream some blissful dreams." He stood up and gave a mock bow as he says this, grinning. "Aw, don't look so down Doc. Just be happy that this Hawkeye, whoever he is, is doing some good in the world. Try to keep an eye out for him, would'ja? I think you'll love to meet him." And with that, he sauntered off, telling me where my bed is, and that I'm welcome to stay as long as I like.

Nathaniel...I hope that isn't you. God knows the Vault isn't perfect, but it's safe. I even _told_ you not to follow me... (sigh) then again, you _are_ your mother's son. Stubborn as a bull, and always wanting to know the hows and whys... Still... If that was you Three-Dog was talking about, I _am _proud, so proud, of what you've accomplished in a short amount of time. I should have known that you would've followed me, if not for me, to explore the outside... I hope you're alright... Catherine's ghost would haunt me till I'm dead if her only son was, God-forbid, eaten by a Mirelurk or killed by a Super Mutant (chuckles)

Although... if what Three-Dog says is true, there's no way you'd be killed by either.

_Holotape ended on: August 23, 2277, 12:15 PM, Galaxy News Radio_


	3. Chapter 2: On Death, Ideals, and Dreams

Hi all. Apologies for the late and short chapter, I had to travel somewhere to do something really important to me :D

My eternal thanks to all who favorited and story alerted :D It made me very happy :D

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_" 'I__ can forgive, but I cannot forget' " is only another way of saying, 'I will not forgive.'  
Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note-torn in two and burned up so that it never can be shown against one."__  
_

_-Paul Boese_

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_Holotape dated: October 18, 2277, 2:07 AM, The Capital Wasteland_

_Nathaniel_

It's been a little over two months since I've left Vault 101 to look for Dad. Two months, and yet it feels like several decades have passed since then. Aside from traveling to the GNR where Moriarty said my Dad said is going, I have explored the Wastelands to hear, see, touch, and do all the things I had only dreamed of before leaving the Vault. In doing so, met, talked, sometimes even fought, with individuals with various beliefs and temperaments. I have done things that I couldn't even imagine myself doing. I saved Megaton from a psychopathic man who nearly blew the town off the map, rescued two people, Red and Shorty, from Super Mutants and escorted them home, and became an emissary of sorts to the people of Arefu so to reach a peaceful solution with the Family. I reminded Ian of his sister's love. Helped an old woman named Agatha find something precious to her heart. I helped Moira, the storekeeper at Craterside Supply, create a book that could save countless lives, and yet... after doing all that... I have also killed.

I have killed men and women to defend those helpless to protect themselves. To prevent evil, twisted, people from taking advantage of men, women-sometimes even _children_- in the most inhumane ways possible. I have killed to protect myself. "It was in self-defence," I say at night, when the nightmares haunt my dreams, their screams of pain never leaving my ears. "It's either you or them." But...it doesn't change the fact that I _have_ killed people. Living, breathing, human beings, the same as you and me. I have sent...I don't know how many to the void. Some of these beings, by some unfortunate hand of fate, have no choice but to kill others to earn their keep. These same beings who were brought up to think that the only way to live another day, is to end someone else's. To kill or be killed...

That's something I understand better now.

But... I found that even in the midst of all this bloodshed, there _is_ hope for humanity. There are people willing to put down their lives to protect those important to them. People who live by their morals. People that have a code of honour. Who won't kill just because it pleases them. People who, no matter how bad things get, will try to make the most of it, without killing, stealing, betraying, or depriving someone of something cherished. People who try to make the world a better place. Even a world that may have no hope of returning to its former grandeur has a chance to make this Wasteland even better than the America that came before it...

...and I found that there are things that not even a nuclear apocalypse can change.

The stars that twinkle above the midnight sky. The moon that shines gently on the ravaged Earth below. I remember reading from a book once before that even the darkest night will end when the sun will rise. It is the promise of a new day that shows that, even with if the world as we knew it two hundred years ago has ended, there is hope. Hope that this broken world can change for the better, that there would be no need for endless tears and killing. A world that echoes with the laughter of children. A world with clean, pure water. A world without radiation. A world without Raiders. A world that doesn't need Vaults to protect and keep those inside ignorant of the things that make life worth living. A world with food that doesn't make my stomach roll (laughs). But most of all...

I want a world where me and my Dad can live together again. Preferably with no one trying to kill us. (scoffs) Like that's going to happen, right? I don't even know if he's still alive... Even after all that he's done to me, I miss him, and I hope he's okay...

_Holotape ended on: September 18, 2277, 2:56 AM, The Capital Wasteland_

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Hope you enjoyed the chapter. By the way, kudos to anyone who knows where I got the metaphor about hope :D


	4. Chapter 3: Frustrations and Reflections

_"Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath." _

_-Eckhart Tolle_

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_Holotape dated: October 10, 2277, 12:11AM, Galaxy News Radio_

_Nathaniel_

_I made it_. I managed to cross through _endless_ underground tunnels, fought off _hoards_ of Feral Ghouls, _ambushes_ by Super Mutants, and Raider camps... to get here. To _Galaxy News Radio_. _I nearly got killed_ by Super Mutants, and even fought a blasted _Behemoth_ not too long ago just to get inside the studio. I _traveled_ all this dammed, _godforsaken_ way... to learn that Dad had _left _nearly _a month earlier_ to go to Rivet City.

_**Goddamnit!**_

Why am I always one step behind? Why is Dad going to Rivet City? Why did he leave the Vault? Why did he leave _me_? Why, why, _why_, _**why**__, __**WHY!**_ So many questions to ask, but there's no one around to give me the answers! Why is he doing this? He was the one who kept telling me that there isn't _anything_ in the Wastes, so why is he here! Why did he risk leaving the Vault for a world that keeps trying to kill everyone in it! May God _**DAMN**_ him to the_**depths **_of_** hell!**_ _**Why?**_ Did he do it because I've disappointed him in some way? Is it because he couldn't live with th-th-the _**THING**_ that killed his wife so many years ago? Is-is that it! 'Cause if so, I'm _**sorry**_. I'm so, so, so, _so_ _**sorry**_ that I killed my mother! The very person who gave me life in this Earth-the only reason I'm alive- on the day I was born...!

(silence except for some heavy breathing)

...G...God... (silence for a few minutes, and a sad sigh) Why did he... why did he leave me in that hellhole? Didn't he...didn't he know that Alphonse, that crazy bastard, would try...try to kill me..?

(Slow footsteps echo through the hall, ending near the closed door)

("Kid? You okay?")

...

("Kid..?")

Y...yeah...I'm fine Three-Dog...

("You sure kiddo? We've been hearin' some screaming. You _sure_ you're alright...?")

I'm fine now Three-Dog. Thanks.

("Alright then. G'night Hawkeye")

'Night.

_Holotape ended on: October 10, 2277, 12:54AM, Galaxy News Radio_

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_October 10, 2277, 1:05AM, GNR Building Plaza_

Three-Dog was outside, enjoying the night air. He sat on the steps of the GNR drinking a bottle of whiskey. _Wonder how the kid is..._, he thought, _Poor kid was keepin' the whole building awake...hope he got some shuteye..._ He took a sip of whiskey, _...then again, with what this kid's trying to do, tryin' to find James an' all, he's probably not going to get much sleep anytime soon..._ Three-Dog drank a bit more of the whiskey, silently thinking about Nathaniel and his father. _They're awfully alike, the two of them. More than they realize, I think._ Three-Dog laughs to himself._ My God, they even talk like each other, for Christ's sake. Hawkeye's practically a mini James. Except for the eyes...he's got Catherine's eyes..._ Three-Dog thinks to himself for a few more minutes, stands up, and drains his bottle. _Ahhhhh, there goes a good drink. And here comes a fine woman_, he thinks as Sarah Lyons walks toward him.

"Well helloooo beautiful," says Three-Dog

Sarah smiles, "Hey Three-Dog. Couldn't get to sleep either?"

"Well now, since when do you know the activities of the one, and the only, Three-Dog?"

"Never did. Just assuming what everyone feels. You'd have to be deaf not to hear Hawkeye yell." Sarah says, looking back at the studio where Nathan was sleeping. "Heard him saying something about being sorry about something. You know anything?" Sarah asks, looking back at Three-Dog, who was looking thoughtfully back at her. "You know kid, you'd better be the one to ask him that, alright...? I have an idea of what he was yammerin' about, but he'll probably put a bullet in my head if I tell ya." They chuckled. "Anyway, ask 'im about it later before he leaves, okay? He's leavin' early, so you better off stayin' awake now." Sarah mock groaned, and they both laughed. They stood there together for a while, looking at the stars shining above them.

"The Pride's leaving soon," Sarah says to Three-Dog. He just raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I got the call from the Citadel. We leave in a week or two, so to train the rest of the Initiates. Don't worry, you'll be well protected when we leave," she says with small smile. Three-Dog grins. "Well, I doubt that they'll be good company." Sarah laughed, "Oh, no need to worry about that-they're a lively group, this one. Probably gonna party every night we'll be gone." Three-Dog sighs. "Well I hope not! Otherwise, they'd all have hangovers when the next Mutant comes 'round," he muttered to himself, "and if that happens, where'll I be?" Sentinel Lyons smiled but said nothing.

"Well," Sarah says after a few minutes of silence, "I gotta go. Have to make sure the Initiates, Glade, and Dusk are awake." "And if they're not...?" asks Three-Dog, slightly worried on the fate of those who dared sleep on duty.

"Then they're not going to live to see the sunrise." Sarah says, smiling sweetly. It wasn't really a smile, though. It was more like a beautiful Deathclaw baring it's teeth in anticipation.

_October 10, 2277, 1:33AM GNR Building Plaza_


End file.
